


Fair Game

by spookyawards_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Humor, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-09-20
Updated: 2003-09-20
Packaged: 2019-04-27 06:23:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14419497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookyawards_archivist/pseuds/spookyawards_archivist
Summary: A reputation is a hard creature to shake.





	Fair Game

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Spooky Awards](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Spooky_Awards), and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [SpookyAwards' collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/spookyawards/profile).

 

Fair Game

## Fair Game

### by mimic117

Title: NEW: Fair Game 

Author: mimic117 

Category: S, PhilePhluff 

Rating: Ummm, PG-13, maybe. 

Spoilers: nyet 

Summary: A reputation is a hard creature to shake. 

Archived: Yes indeedy do! 

Disclaimer: Well we'd never see something like this on the show, so that means they're mine. Right? No? 

Author's Notes: I have no idea where this one came from. None at all. And Nina, it may not be smut, but as you can see, I'm getting closer. It won't be much longer now. I don't know if this pub actually exists in DC, but if it doesn't, it should. 

Beta thanks: To my darling Twinsy for once again letting me know it doesn't suck. You're the best, Cin. 

Feedback: Is printed out, fawned over and stroked to tatters. 

Visit all my fics at the little house that XochiLuvr built. surfacing.com/mimic117/  
Your depravity levels may vary. 

* * *

Fair Game  
by mimic117 

Washington DC  
O'Halloran's Pub  
9:45 PM 

I'm the quiet one. Someone has to be, in this group. When we were in high school and college together, I was more outgoing than Dana, but not by much and only when it was the two of us by ourselves. Now she seems more self-confident, but she still can't outtalk Darlene and Kelly. It was their idea to track Dana down when she didn't show up at our class reunion - again. It's been fun spending the day together, reconnecting after so many years apart. 

"Okay, Dana. Pick one." 

I wondered how long it would take Darlene to start in on her favorite sport. She never did have the guts to do it herself. 

Dana rolls her eyes. I think she saw that one coming, too. 

"Pick what?" 

"You know what! Don't play coy with me." 

"Just this once. You don't have to do more than dance." 

Ah. Kelly has joined in the arm-twisting. She always was a good little sycophant. Now just don't -- 

"Say something, Marie. Help us!" 

Damn. "Don't drag me into this, y'all. It's up to Dana." So there. 

Dana still wields a mean glare, but I don't think it's going to work on Darlene tonight. She's bound and determined to have her way. 

"Come on, Dana. We'll even give you veto power." 

If that was supposed to be an ingratiating smile, Darlene, you need to work on it. That looked downright smug to me. 

"And what if I veto all of them?" 

Atta girl, Dana! Don't give in without a fight. Kelly chokes on her drink and shoots her an appalled stare. 

"That's against the rules! You _have_ to pick one." 

"There aren't any rules." 

"Sure there are. We make them up as we go." 

Dana gives a little snort of amusement. "You two are so immature." 

"And this is a bad thing?" Darlene snickers into her empty glass, then grabs the beer pitcher and refills it. 

How many drinks have we had so far? There are two empty pitchers and one half full on the table. We seem to have regressed in an alcoholic haze to our freshman year in college. I wouldn't be surprised to see Colleen McNamara jump up on the bar and start doing a strip-tease. This evening just has that kind of feeling. 

"Okay." 

Huh? Did Dana just agree with Darlene and Kelly? I didn't think I'd had enough to be hearing things already. 

"I'll go along with it," she continues, "but only one dance. Understand?" 

Darlene starts nodding, then seems to have trouble stopping. 

"Right. One dance, and you let him crawl all over you before you dump his ass." 

**"WHAT?"**

"That's how it always worked in college." 

"I can't believe I'm going to do this again," Dana mutters into her glass before knocking back the remains of her beer. 

We all begin scanning the other bar patrons. There are quite a few people in here. A lot of men on their own, probably looking for exactly the kind of action Darlene is proposing. With a little different ending in mind, I'll bet. 

I know exactly which one Kelly's going to suggest before she even opens her mouth. 

"How about the guy in the silk shirt?" 

She was always a sucker for someone flashy. Didn't matter if he looked like he'd combined several pages of GQ to get his fashion sense as long as he was flashy. 

Dana never did share her taste in men. 

"Are you crazy? He looks like a reject from a cheesy beer commercial. His hair must have a pound of gel in it. There are so many chains around his neck he'll probably fall on his face when he stands up. Next." 

Darlene's devoting a lot more brain cells than necessary to her choice. She looks like she's trying to unravel the secrets of the universe and not having much luck. I know who she's going to pick, too. 

"How about the guy next to him? He's been watching us since he came in." 

"You mean Mr. Sincere? If he smiles any wider his lips will meet behind his head. I'll bet he's got the lamest pick-up line in the bar." 

Yep. Darlene is predictable, too. She always did think that vapid equaled sincerity. Witness her two failed marriages. 

"The one next to _him_ , then." 

Cool! Dana can still do that eyebrow thing. I always wanted her to teach me that. 

"So you're suggesting I rob the cradle? I doubt he'd be of legal drinking age if I carded him." 

"You don't need to card him. Just seduce him! Come on, Dana. You have to pick _someone._ You've got a rep to protect." 

"You're the one who gave me veto power." 

Darlene mumbles a disgusted "damn" and we continue checking out the possibilities. I didn't intend to contribute to the juvenile proceedings, but as soon as I see him, the words are out of my mouth before I know I'm saying them. 

"Whoa. Check out the guy at the end of the bar." 

"Which one, Marie?" Darlene is swiveling her head like she's trying to screw it off her neck. 

Kelly spots him next, so I don't even have to answer. 

"The one with the leather jacket and the smoldering eyes." 

"He's staring right at us!" Darlene's squeal causes several heads to turn. As far as she's concerned, looking is as good as having him right in her lap. 

Dana shrugs and pours herself another beer. "Maybe he has the hots for Kelly." 

Darlene ignores her comment. "Good pick, Marie. At least he's really easy on the eyes." 

He certainly is. I don't know what made me latch onto him. I almost wish I hadn't said anything. Darlene's already made up her mind, but Dana was always a little more choosy. 

"I'll bet he's got a high, squeaky voice and abundant nose hair." 

Kelly chokes on her beer so I pound her back through the coughing fit while Darlene answers for both of them. 

"Uh uh. You didn't reject him right away, so he's fair game. Go get him, Dana." 

She picks up the almost empty pitcher and shoots a death-ray glare at Darlene and Kelly. 

"I'm going to get you hussies for this. I swear it." 

I'm surprised she doesn't include me in her displeasure, considering I'm the one who picked him out. She pushes her way through the crowded room and stands right next to her newest victim. I feel sorry for him already. 

I never did enjoy these little exercises in humiliation. I don't think Dana did very much, either. Sometimes she'd leave the bar rather than go through with it and then suffer from Darlene's pouting for days. I always cheered Dana on mentally when she chose to stand up for herself. I was just glad they didn't expect me to take her place. 

The routine is familiar. Dana sidles up to the bar and waves the bartender down for another pitcher. The poor guy at the end of the bar says something to her and she barely gives him a glance. He says something else to her and she smiles. When he smiles back, I nearly fall out of my chair. It just lights up his face and changes his appearance so much that he hardly looks like the same person. In fact, he looks better. I'm not at all surprised when he follows Dana back to our table, carrying the full pitcher of beer. Darlene and Kelly are sitting there with their jaws slack, speechless. 

He sets down the pitcher and shrugs out of his coat. "Ladies, would you mind if I leave my jacket here while I dance with your friend?" 

Looks like I'll have to come up with an answer since I appear to be the only one capable of forming words at the moment. 

"Not at all. We'll keep an eye on it for you." 

"Thanks." He smiles at me before following Dana to the dance floor and I just about melt in my chair. I hope she doesn't end up hoist on her own petard. Not only is he just about the best thing I've ever seen in jeans and a T-shirt, but there's something about the look in his eyes.... 

"God, did you hear that voice? It sounds like he just had sex while sitting at the bar!" 

Darlene's found her tongue again, I see. Kelly's eyes haven't left his retreating form for an instant. I think they've forgotten that I'm even at the table, just talking around me with their eyes glued to Dana's conquest. 

"I was almost too busy checking out his butt to notice the voice. Did you see how tight his jeans are?" 

I see Kelly's opinion hasn't changed over the years -- the tighter the better. 

"Yeah. While I was checking out the impressive package he's carrying." 

"And no underwear lines. I'll bet he doesn't wear any." 

"Ohhh, God. Did I just drool?" 

I wouldn't blame Darlene if she had. It's taking everything I've got to keep my own saliva from dribbling down my chin. That is one tasty looking man. Dana is in so much trouble. 

"What the hell are they doing out there?" 

Darlene is whispering, as though they'll overhear her from several yards away. I think she's had more to drink than I first realized. 

Kelly whispers back, "They're dancing. What else?" 

"That's not dancing. That's sex with clothes on. Look at the way he's devouring her with his eyes!" 

They're not really dancing in the commonly understood sense. He's got his hands on the outside of her hips and they're swaying to the music -- just matching the beat, rocking back and forth. Dana's holding his biceps and staring up into his face as she chatters away. There's a lock of hair hanging on his forehead that swings into his eyes as he moves. Shadows ripple across his jeans and T-shirt as the lights catch the tucks and valleys made by his muscles under the fabric. It's hypnotic and fascinating. 

Oh shit. He just licked his lips and Darlene's moaning like she's about to have an orgasm. I understand completely. I'm getting rather damp myself, watching him grind his hips against Dana's in a very suggestive manner. There's absolutely no doubt about what he's got on his mind or where he wants this evening to end. He looms over her as they sway together, accentuating the difference in their size. It wouldn't matter whether Dana wanted to have sex with him or not. He's so much bigger, he could just take what he wanted if he was so inclined. 

Suddenly, I have the urge to jump up, grab Dana by the arm, and haul her out of the bar, away from this dangerous game she's playing. Maybe this was funny when we were in our early twenties, but we're not that young and stupid anymore. Things could happen. This man, as gorgeous as he is, could be emotionally unstable. What if he becomes upset after she gets him aroused and then tells him she isn't interested? I remember a few college guys shouting threats after us as we'd hightail it after our latest victory. It could have been so much worse. There are butterflies doing battle in my stomach at the very idea. What were we thinking, then OR now? 

Before I can follow through on my half-formed plan, they're back at our table. I never even saw them leave the dance floor. 

Dana picks up her purse from the floor and says, "It's getting late, girls. I'll call you tomorrow and we can have lunch together before you head back home. Well, good night." 

Her companion picks up his jacket, slings it over his shoulder and smiles at us. 

"Have a nice evening, ladies." 

Then he puts his hand against Dana's back and steers her toward the door. 

She's leaving with him. Oh my god. She's never done _that_ before. Those butterflies I had earlier are back, and they've brought friends. I have to do something. Darlene and Kelly aren't going to be any help. They're giggling like teenagers over the possibility that Dana's going to get laid tonight. It has to be me. _I_ have to do something to save her. Just as I'm about to go after them, a new pitcher of beer is set down on the table in front of me. 

"Enjoy." 

That brings Darlene and Kelly out of their vicarious-sex frenzy. 

"Wait a minute," Darlene shouts. The waiter returns with a puzzled look on his face. "We didn't order another pitcher." 

"Oh. Sorry. That's from Agent Mulder." 

"Agent Mulder? Dana's partner was in here?" 

Kelly sounds about as confused as I feel. The waiter doesn't look any more enlightened than the rest of us. 

"Yeah. When Agent Scully came to the bar, he asked me to deliver this when they left. With his compliments. He didn't tell you?" 

Darlene looks at Kelly. Kelly looks at me. I look at the waiter. And then the pieces jiggle into place and I want to laugh until I cry. 

"That was Mulder who just left with Dana, wasn't it?" It doesn't really sound like a question the way I ask it because I already know the answer. 

"Well, sure," the waiter says, more puzzled than ever. "He and Agent Scully come in here after work to eat supper a lot." 

I don't know what I said to him, but the waiter left without appearing offended, so I probably did okay. 

That little shit. I can't believe she set us up like that. I can hardly wait until tomorrow. I don't care how bad my head feels in the morning, I wouldn't miss lunch for anything. In fact, I'm feeling pretty sober right now. 

Darlene and Kelly must be a lot drunker than me because it takes them a couple more minutes of squinty-eyed frowning before Kelly gasps and says, "I just remembered something else Dana had a reputation for in college." 

"What?" 

"Putting one over on us." 

Darlene sighs. "Yeah. _Now_ I remember." 

I could have told them that. 

* * *

**THE END**

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